I've never realized how hard this career is until now that I am actually sitting down and thinking about where I'm standing after three years of beginning my journey. I almost feel like I'm very behind. The biggest problem i've had is running into chefs that say they will teach me how to cook and master the craft, but what they are really teaching is me is how to be a personalized puppet who can cook on their line and produce exactly what they want. Well, that’s awesome for them, but what about me? What do I get from it? What happens when something new is thrown at me when I decide to work somewhere else.....then what am i suppose to do then? That’s not that career i want.... I don't want to just work off memory. I actually want to know why i'm doing something or be able to think of a dish off the top of my head. My biggest goal is to look at one ingredient and be able to do at least 10 different things with it. I have a lot of work to do before I get there. Right now though, I am currently working with a chef from Hawaii named Andy at the Hyatt. I've only met one other person who has a natural talent for cooking and her name is Kathleen Wise. I loved her style, she knew how to make everything feel like it was comfort food your mom or grandma would have made. Her style was simple, new, but very chique. She taught me the importance of appreciating where our food comes from and supporting local organic farmers and businesses. Working with Andy is alot different, especially because we are working under corporate, so we don't have as much freedom to do what ever we want. I told him my story and how i feel about me and my relationship with food. he agreed to take me under his wing, I just have to tell him what i want to learn and what i want to make/do. Thats when it hit me...i've never thought about me. What do I like and what do i want to make. I had a hard time answering that because i've never paid attention to me, i've always worried about the chefs i've worked with and what they would like/want. Andy handed me the mother load book of sauces to read and start there. He said that when he comes back from his 2 week vacation, i need to have created two dishes i want to make. This is a great opportunity for me to think about me only and show Andy what I can do and maybe build up so confidence in me and find out if this is what I am meant to do with my life.